Are They True?

Are they true?

Are the promises that the word has spoken true?

If you were to have asked me that 4 years I go I would have said without a doubt.

If you were to ask me today, I would say that I hope so.

I'm not so sure anymore.

I had dinner with a group of friends tonight.

All was well and at the drop of a hat,

I feel tears welling up in my eyes.

So I left.

I drove home,

Tears streaming down my face.

That's not who I am.

I'm the strong one.

The one people run to when they need support.

The one that others look to for security.

I've never been the sad one,

The one without hope.

I hate this feeling.

It's not me.

I've hidden these feelings and thoughts for so long

That even I don't know how to respond to them.

This is new territory.

I'm SO broken.

So saddened.

So burdened.

So heavy hearted.

8 years ago God almost took my life.

I remember sitting in the hospital bed at the lowest place

Of my life up to that point.

I had a conversation with God.

I told Him that I had always been told that everything He did had a purpose and that He can and will turn bad into good.

He had been faithful in that promise up until then but I believed that my then problem was bigger than He.

I wished Him luck at fixing me and turning something so bad into something good.

He remained faithful.

He reminded me of the verse Jeremiah 29:11-13.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.

Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Plans to give you hope and a future.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me,

and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me

When you seek me with all your heart."

8 years ago I chose that as my life verse.

I wish I still believed it in my core like I once did.

I do know that He is capable.

I do know that He is powerful.

But I also know that I am broken.

That I am lost.